Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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