I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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