I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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