Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
