I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
