distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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