Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
