hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
