I hate your face
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
