So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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