I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
