I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
