Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
