I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
