cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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