Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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