Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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