Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
