I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
