So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
