Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
