Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
