next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
