When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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