I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Even my vagina gasped.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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