he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
