Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
