Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
