Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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