dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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