He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
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What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.