Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
