so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're breaking my sexual little heart