I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
