his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
