He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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