We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
