I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
