Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
