On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
