i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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