Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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