You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
