Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
