fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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