I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
