i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
