i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
