Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
