S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
