can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
