You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
