i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
