Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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