God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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