I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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