my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
