sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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