I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
