I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
