Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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