What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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