GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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