i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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