i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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