Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Found your dick twin last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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