I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?