Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?

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  (650): Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards? http://tfl.nu/fenr
  Replies (9) Good night (1900) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.

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  (203): my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath. http://tfl.nu/lzk1
  Replies (9) Good night (1204) Bad night (2971)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (80) Good night (44934) Bad night (1995)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"

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  (909): he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman" http://tfl.nu/jaxb
  Replies (79) Good night (1523) Bad night (6907)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air

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  (410): You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air http://tfl.nu/0wtz
  Replies (0) Good night (1958) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place

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  (814): She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place http://tfl.nu/x3gi
  Replies (5) Good night (1892) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.

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  (212): I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker. http://tfl.nu/yz4c
  Replies (12) Good night (919) Bad night (2029)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know

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  (570): I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know http://tfl.nu/nr32
  Replies (3) Good night (2031) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area

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  (508): Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area http://tfl.nu/7yxw
  Replies (3) Good night (1099) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.

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  (479): She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday. http://tfl.nu/do6j
  Replies (1) Good night (858) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"

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  (321): Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo" http://tfl.nu/3ea4
  Replies (8) Good night (888) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner

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  (916): Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner http://tfl.nu/9gah
  Replies (1) Good night (497) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet

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  (626): I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet http://tfl.nu/8x4b
  Replies (0) Good night (524) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home

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  (503): Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home http://tfl.nu/qybd
  Replies (5) Good night (458) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.

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  (250): i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties. http://tfl.nu/5hso
  Replies (0) Good night (749) Bad night (150)

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