I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She bit a glass in half.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags