we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.