Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."

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(925): While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me." http://tfl.nu/vnft

Replies (42) Good night (8084) Bad night (1982)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

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(757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms

Replies (22) Good night (14581) Bad night (1566)
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(661): View more from California

I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...

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(661): I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore... http://tfl.nu/z5qk

Replies (11) Good night (3719) Bad night (960)
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(619): View more from California

So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.

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(619): So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side. http://tfl.nu/rosc

Replies (12) Good night (8019) Bad night (1087)
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(443): View more from Maryland

and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp

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(443): and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp http://tfl.nu/f0ut

Replies (32) Good night (2071) Bad night (4602)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable

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(802): Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable http://tfl.nu/50aw

Replies (7) Good night (1191) Bad night (2593)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!

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(860): You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS! http://tfl.nu/g8vq

Replies (11) Good night (1425) Bad night (693)
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(310): View more from California

Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.

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(310): Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well. http://tfl.nu/39wu

Replies (20) Good night (7765) Bad night (848)
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(419): View more from Ohio

That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.

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(419): That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself. http://tfl.nu/02m3

Replies (8) Good night (1909) Bad night (690)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.

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(610): You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude. http://tfl.nu/8276

Replies (6) Good night (1826) Bad night (774)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.

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(608): Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day. http://tfl.nu/sglt

Replies (2) Good night (1739) Bad night (799)
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(720): View more from Colorado

hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.

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(720): hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now. http://tfl.nu/pc1n

Replies (8) Good night (1640) Bad night (523)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum

(1-248): View more from Michigan

You pretty much did tho

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(248): Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum (1-248): You pretty much did tho http://tfl.nu/fp9x

Replies (1) Good night (865) Bad night (362)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore

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(410): Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore http://tfl.nu/vhu2

Replies (2) Good night (331) Bad night (492)
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(330): View more from Ohio

lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA

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(330): lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA http://tfl.nu/ocjg

Replies (5) Good night (371) Bad night (887)

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