i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.