This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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