I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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