Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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