Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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