C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
