Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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