who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
