nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
