fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
