sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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