Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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