What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
