I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
